PMDD: When Your Period Affects More Than Just Your Body

For many women, the days before their period come with bloating, cramps, or mood swings. But for some, those days feel like becoming a completely different person. Everyday tasks become exhausting, emotions feel overwhelming, and it can seem as though life is falling apart, only for everything to suddenly improve once the period begins or is near the end. 

If this sounds familiar, it could be Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD).

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What is PMDD?

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a condition in which the emotional and physical changes before a menstrual period become so intense that they interfere with daily life. Some of my clients have said they become a 'different' person during this time of the month. 

Symptoms usually begin about one to two weeks before menstruation (after ovulation) and often improve within a few days of the period starting. Most women with PMDD feel relatively symptom-free during the first half of their menstrual cycle, making the pattern quite distinct.

PMDD is not "just PMS." It is a recognised mental health condition that affects the way a person feels, thinks, and functions.

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How Does PMDD Feel?

Every woman experiences PMDD differently, but many describe it as feeling like they lose control over their emotions for a few days every month.

Some common experiences include:

• Feeling unusually sad or hopeless
• Crying over things that normally wouldn't affect you
• Becoming easily irritated or angry
• Feeling anxious or constantly on edge
• Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
• Extreme fatigue despite adequate rest
• Feeling emotionally disconnected from loved ones
• Changes in sleep and appetite
• Bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, or body aches

Most of my client have reported that during this period memories from past trauma tend to become more vivid compared to the rest of the month.  

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Why Is It Called a Disorder?

Everyone experiences mood changes from time to time, especially around hormonal shifts. So why is PMDD considered a disorder?

The difference lies in how much it affects daily life.

PMDD is diagnosed when symptoms are severe enough to interfere with work, studies, relationships, parenting, or self-care. The emotional distress is not simply uncomfortable, it can become debilitating.

Someone with PMDD may:

• Struggle to complete everyday responsibilities.
• Withdraw from family and friends.
• Experience frequent conflicts in relationships.
• Feel unable to recognise themselves during that phase of the month.

Because the symptoms significantly impair functioning and recur month after month in a predictable pattern, PMDD is recognised as a clinical disorder rather than a normal part of the menstrual cycle.

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Is PMDD a Form of Depression?

No.

PMDD is not the same as Major Depressive Disorder, although the two can look very similar.

A person with depression usually experiences low mood most days for weeks or months, regardless of their menstrual cycle.

With PMDD, symptoms are cyclical. They appear before menstruation, improve shortly after bleeding begins, and are largely absent during the rest of the month.

However, PMDD and depression can occur together. Some women have both conditions, which may make diagnosis more challenging. This is why tracking symptoms across several menstrual cycles is often recommended.

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Why Does PMDD Affect Women So Differently?

No two women experience PMDD in exactly the same way.

For some, anxiety is the most distressing symptom.

For others, it is overwhelming sadness, anger, irritability, emotional numbness, or even feelings of hopelessness.

Several factors can influence how PMDD presents, including:

• Genetics
• Individual sensitivity to normal hormonal changes
• Stress levels
• Sleep quality
• Previous mental health conditions
• History of trauma or chronic stress 

Importantly, PMDD is not caused by a person being "too emotional." Research suggests that women with PMDD have an increased sensitivity in the brain to the normal hormonal fluctuations that occur during the menstrual cycle.

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How Can PMDD Be Managed?

Although PMDD cannot simply be "willed away," there are many effective ways to reduce its impact.

Learn Your Pattern

Keeping a daily symptom diary for at least two menstrual cycles can help identify whether symptoms consistently follow your menstrual cycle. Understanding the pattern often brings relief because it replaces confusion with clarity.

Lifestyle Changes

Simple habits may also make a meaningful difference:

• Regular exercise
• Consistent sleep routines
• Balanced meals throughout the day
• Managing stress through relaxation practices
• Reducing excessive caffeine or alcohol if these worsen symptoms
• Plan your month, try to space out work so that a lot of load does not bombard you during this time

While lifestyle changes alone may not eliminate PMDD, they often reduce the intensity of symptoms.

Medication

For women with moderate to severe PMDD, doctors may recommend medication.

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are considered one of the most effective treatments and may be prescribed either daily or only during the second half of the menstrual cycle. Some hormonal contraceptives may also help by reducing ovulation, though treatment should always be individualised by a healthcare professional.

How therapy helps?

• Understand their emotional experiences.
• Learn healthier ways to cope with intense emotions.
• Reduce self-blame.
• Improve communication with partners and family.
• Trying to lessen the intensity of the meaning of the negative thoughts during this time.

Therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), mindfulness-based approaches, and emotion regulation strategies have been found helpful for many women.

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Is There a Permanent Cure?

At present, there is no permanent cure for PMDD.

However, that does not mean women have to suffer every month.

With the right combination of medical care, therapy, lifestyle adjustments, and emotional support, many women experience significant improvement in their symptoms and quality of life.

The goal of treatment is not simply to survive those difficult days each month, but to help women regain a sense of stability, confidence, and control over their lives.

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A Final Thought

If you find yourself dreading the days before your period because your emotions become overwhelming, know that you are not "overreacting," "too sensitive," or "imagining it."

PMDD is a real, recognised condition, and support is available.

Seeking help is not about changing who you are rather it is about understanding what your body and mind are going through, and finding ways to navigate it with greater compassion and care.

Understanding PTSD

 

When the Past Doesn't Feel Like the Past: Understanding PTSD

There are moments in life that leave a mark. Most difficult experiences gradually become memories that we can look back on, even if they remain painful. But sometimes, the mind doesn't file those memories away. Instead, it keeps reacting as though the danger is still present.

This is what living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can feel like.

It is not about being "weak," "too emotional," or "unable to move on." PTSD is a response to overwhelming experiences that take its own path and time to process. 

What Does PTSD Feel Like?

Many people describe PTSD as feeling trapped between the past and the present. 

You may know you're safe, but your body doesn't seem convinced.

A sound, a smell, a place, or even a passing thought can suddenly bring back the same fear, helplessness, or panic you once experienced. It can feel as though the event is happening all over again.

Some people experience vivid nightmares. Others avoid certain places, conversations, or people because they remind them of what happened. Many remain constantly alert, easily startled, or emotionally exhausted from always expecting something bad to happen.

Living this way can be incredibly tiring. It often affects work, relationships, sleep, and everyday activities.

PTSD Symptoms Can Look Different for Everyone

Although every person's experience is unique, common signs include:

• Repeated unwanted memories or flashbacks
• Nightmares related to the traumatic event
• Feeling anxious, on edge, or constantly alert
• Avoiding reminders of what happened
• Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
• Guilt, shame, or blaming yourself for what happened
• Strong emotional or physical reactions to reminders of the trauma

Some days may feel manageable, while others can feel overwhelming without any obvious reason.

Why PTSD Can Sometimes Look Like OCD

One reason PTSD is misunderstood is because some of its symptoms can resemble Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

For example, a person with PTSD may repeatedly check whether doors are locked after experiencing a burglary. They may constantly scan their surroundings, replay memories, or seek reassurance that they are safe.

At first glance, these behaviours can appear similar to OCD.

The difference lies in what is driving them.

In PTSD, these reactions are often connected to a specific traumatic experience. The mind is trying to prevent the same danger from happening again.

In OCD, repetitive thoughts and behaviours are usually driven by intrusive fears that are not necessarily linked to a traumatic event, and compulsions are performed to reduce anxiety caused by those thoughts.

Because PTSD and OCD can sometimes overlap, it is important to have a careful psychological assessment rather than trying to diagnose yourself based on symptoms alone.

What Counts as Trauma?

Many people wonder whether their experience was "serious enough" to cause PTSD.

The truth is that trauma is not only about what happened but it is also about how our nervous system experienced it.

Trauma can include:

• Physical or sexual assault
• Childhood abuse or neglect
• Domestic violence
• Serious accidents
• Natural disasters
• War or conflict
• Medical emergencies or intensive medical treatment
• Sudden loss of a loved one
• Witnessing violence or frightening events
• Repeated emotional abuse or chronic exposure to unsafe environments

Not everyone who experiences trauma develops PTSD, and people can respond very differently to the same event. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react.

Can PTSD Be Treated?

Yes.

PTSD is one of the most well-researched mental health conditions, and many people experience significant improvement with appropriate therapy.

Treatment is not about forgetting what happened. It is about helping the brain and body recognise that the danger has passed, reducing the intensity of painful memories, and helping you regain a sense of safety and control.

Some commonly used therapies include:

Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (TF-CBT): Helps identify and change patterns of thinking and behaviour that keep trauma symptoms going while gradually processing the traumatic experience.

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR): Uses guided bilateral stimulation while processing traumatic memories, helping the brain store those memories in a less distressing way.

Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET): Particularly helpful for people who have experienced multiple traumatic events. It helps organise fragmented memories into a coherent life story.

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT): Focuses on working through beliefs such as guilt, shame, self-blame, or loss of trust that often develop after trauma.

Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE): A structured approach that gradually helps people face trauma-related memories and situations in a safe therapeutic environment, reducing avoidance over time.

Many therapists also incorporate mindfulness, grounding techniques, emotion regulation skills, and body-based approaches to support recovery.

Healing Is Possible

Trauma can change the way we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us. It can make ordinary moments feel unsafe and leave us wondering why we're reacting so strongly.

But healing does not mean pretending the trauma never happened.

Healing means that the memory gradually loses its grip. It means sleeping a little better, feeling safer in your own body, reconnecting with people you care about, and being able to live in the present rather than constantly surviving the past.

If you recognise yourself in these experiences, know that you do not have to navigate them alone. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness! It is often the first step towards reclaiming your sense of safety, hope, and everyday life.

Scope in Psychology (My experience)

A common question I get asked is what was your journey like while you studied Psychology and what is the scope of Psychology in India. Here is a brief writing about my experience and what can you do if you take up Psychology as a subject. 

PSYCHOLOGY is my subject and it has been such an important part of my life, I am very biased. You can have a great career if you have interest in the subject, for that you can read general books on Psychology, articles etc. If you are already interested then great. Scope is very good.

The major fields are Clinical Psychology, Counselling Psychology, Developmental Psychology, Industrial Psychology, School/Education Psychology.

I am a Clinical Psychologist, you have to do Masters and Mphil after which you can get a license/registration to practice as a clinician with the clinical population. 

Counselling Psychologist you can be after you get a Masters degree, you can practice as a Counselling Psychologist but with Normal Population (unlike Clinical you cannot diagnose mental illnesses and work at a clinical setup)

If you are interested in Developmental Psychology, you need to get a course work done on Special Education, after which you can work as a special educator (children with Autism or other developmental disorders) scope is very good in this field. 

Educational/School after Masters you might need to get a special course work to get a registration to work as a school psychologist, scope is also good, but you need to be employed in a school etc, you can't work independently like the others.

Industrial Psychologist are employed in Industries, to be honest I am unsure if you can get a job directly after Masters, people I know who are working in an industrial set up pursued MBA after Masters. You apply for MPhil in Clinical Psychology after studying in any of the specialization in your Masters.

I have personally studied Developmental and then got an MPhil. If you are aiming to be a Clinical Psychologist you will have to study for 7 years post school :)

My friends with whom I have studied in MPhil are all employed and earning well. Academics is also an option where you get your PhD and teach in a college.

Important things you must do Last Day of the Year.

Write down all the important things you learnt this year. Small things to big ones. Today is a good day to reflect back and smile! :) 

Yes, there were bad days (like every year), but you survived them, healed and looked ahead. 

Pat yourself! 

Express Gratitude for all the things that went well, thank aloud for all the things that made you smile, supported you! 

Start making new year resolutions. Tell yourself that 2021 will be GOOD! 

It will have more positive thoughts, better people, new achievements and you will be your best self! 

How to be more Authentic and not let others affect you

How to be more Authentic and not let others affect you

Most of our behaviour is based on what others are going to think about us. Being a part of the society a lot of our actions and thoughts are derived from what we see and learn.

Our natural tendency would then be to fit in to what the society or other people would think as 'correct' or 'good'. Does that not stop us from being our authentic self? Yes it does. The less we focus on how others are going to think about us, the more authentic and true we are going to be. It is a blissful state to not think about what others think about us. How do we do it? 

• The mean things that people say, they are saying it about themselves and not to you. 

• Be true to yourself. Write down your beliefs, experiences and what you are learning from them. Try to perceive yourself though your own journey. 

• The worst thing could be said in a beautiful manner. If someone is criticising you to bring you down instead of helping you grow. You do not need that information.

• Someone's mean words are in their head and their feelings. It will never affect YOU adversely if you don't let it. Something to think about! 

• You have one life! Eliminate the toxic sources that bring you down. Trust your intuition. You are growing every second. You are living through your journey and nobody else can feel what it is like to be you. 

Understand Bullies and How to Deal with them

Understand bullies and how to deal with them

Bullies are people who deliberately seek to harm or intimidate those who they understand as vulnerable. People can be bullied from very early school days or even face similar situations later in their life at work place and family life. 

Bullies can be abusive verbally or physically. Teasing, shaming, hitting, punching or taking away things such as money, food etc. 

The person who is getting bullied can suffer from stress, low confidence, fear, inability to concentrate, worry, poor appetite and sleep. 

Understanding bullies:

• People who bully have experienced or are experiencing stressful or traumatic situations themselves. 

• People who bully suffer from low self esteem. Bullying helps them mask their actual feelings and get attention from others. 

• Bullies often believe that by bullying others they can feel stronger and safer from other bullies. 

In order to deal with bullies:

• Be very calm and seek help from someone who can understand the situation. 

• Never show the bully that you are afraid or affected by their behaviour. This will reinforce the bully to intimidate you again. 

• Don't try to fight back. If they say "you are stupid!", say " Yes, we all are stupid at times, you are right " and walk away.

• Don't take bullies personally. The mean things they do or say are not meant for you. The bullies are also fighting a battle. However, don't let them bring you down.

How Journaling can improve your Life

How Journaling can improve your Life

The benefits of journaling are endless. You can write about your daily life, your goals and dreams, express gratitude, find solutions for your difficult life situations, give non judgmental space to your thoughts. 

Journaling helps reduce stress, uplifts mood, improves memory and strengthens our emotional functions. 

Benefits of journaling:

• Documenting little things about your daily life is a celebration of who you are. 

• A safe space for you to create, express and find yourself. 

• Once you start writing about your life you can figure out what's important for you and what's not. 

• It will help you slow down, observe your thoughts and help you find the positivity within yourself. 

• You can look back, reflect on the challenges you faced and honour your progress and success.

How to not care how others think of you

How to not care how others think of you

It is natural for us to want to be liked and loved by the people around us. We all are developing to be different and unique individuals. We have our own opinion and style. People around us are not always going to be accepting and kind. That is the bitter truth. 

If we focus too much on being appreciated by everyone it is going to be very stressful, because it is next to impossible. When we desire it too much, we are going to hinder the growth of our authentic self. 

So how do you not care what others think? 

• Some people are going to dislike you and there is nothing you can do about it. There isn't a perfect world where one is liked by everybody.

• When people are being mean they are usually projecting. (They feel about you the way they feel about themselves)

• Trust few opinions only from trusted sources. Opinions that will help you grow and not make you restless.

• Be around people who are more accepting and admire your authentic self.

• You have one life, live it to the fullest and don't let how others think of you spoil another moment of your life.

Why do we ignore Red Flags in a Relationship?

Why do we ignore Red Flags in a Relationship?

A relationship is meant to be comforting and loving. When two people are in a relationship there is scope for individual growth as well as growth as a couple. 

Sometimes unknowingly or accidentally we enter relationships which might appear healthy, however various issues start emerging soon. 

Red flags are signs of danger. In relationships these dangers are lack of trust, lack of interest, cheating tendencies, abuse of various kinds namely physical, verbal or sexual, disrespectful behaviour, tendencies to pick up fights, constant criticism etc.

If we are in a relationship with a person who has shown red flags it can lead to several mental health issues. However, many of us see the red flags but choose to ignore them and continue to be in the relationship. Why does this happen? 

1. We believe that something is better than nothing and we are afraid to be alone.

2. We pay more attention to the "good times" and ignore their inconsistent patterns of behaviour.

3. We believe them when they say they are going to change.

4. We tell ourselves "it's not that bad" and focus on the person's positive behaviour.

5. We suffer from low self esteem, believe this is how relationships should be and we don't deserve better.

6. The pressure that society creates for one to be in a relationship, forces us to be in the unsuitable relationship even if we are unhappy.

Things I can Control

Things I can Control

There are things that are in our control and things that are never in our control. If we focus on the latter we will get anxious and sad. However, if we focus on the things that are within our ability to manage we are going to feel happy and content. 

1. The choices that I make - The things we choose in life, it can be the book we pick up and read or the career that we choose. They are all upon us. We are independent when it comes to making choices.

2. People I spend time with - The people we spend time with have a great impact on us. If we are around people who are positive and motivating we are going to grow, whereas on the contrary people with a negative mindset can bring us down. The choice is ours to make.

3. How I respond to my mistakes - We all make mistakes, but how we choose to react to the mistake is completely upon us. We can sulk and regret or we can learn from it and move on.

4. My values and beliefs - We have a certain way of thinking, our values and beliefs are a part of it. They can change with time. How we form them and allow them to control our lives is up to us.

5. The things I say - Words are important. What we say to others and what we say to ourselves are in our control. Using kind and happy words will impact us greatly. Words control our actions and feelings.

6. The hard work I put into things - What we achieve is up to us only through the effort that we put in. Our hard work and our dedication is up to us. We can create and control our success.

7. The boundaries I create for myself - Saying no if we are uncomfortable is in our direct control, it might be difficult but it is not impossible. 

8. How I take care of myself - The food we choose to eat, the time we choose to sleep, the amount of exercise we want to get is all in our control. What makes us feel good is up to us. 

How to be more Productive

How to be more Productive

Productivity is getting things done more efficiently rather than doing a lot of things within a stipulated time. 

Many people struggle to be productive, to find a flow at work. This is mostly due to distraction, stress, lack of practice, difficulty in concentration etc.

In this fast paced life, the need to be productive is immense. There is limited time and the amount of work increases on a daily basis. 

Here are some ways in which you can increase your productivity.

1. Do not multitask - Finish one thing at a time. Doing everything together will reduce productivity and a lot of time will be lost. 

2. Schedule and set goals - The best way to get things done. Fix a time, stick to it and finish your work. You will gradually learn the amount of time you need to dedicate for each work. For now just start.

3. 2 Minute Rule - If there is any task that can be completed in 2 minutes or less, do it immediately. The work that can be finished now will consume less time than if you keep it for later.

4. Set time for unpleasant work - Keep a separate time slot for all the things that you don't like to do, keep it fixed and get those work done everyday at that time so that the rest of the day you don't have to worry about it.

5. Take breaks - Take breaks in between work so that you don't get fatigued. Use that time to rejuvenate. However don't get carried away during these breaks.

6. Focus on your learning and not perfection - Let go of the need to be perfect. It will waste a lot of time. Focus on how you are learning. Perfection will come gradually.

7. Keep things Aesthetically pleasant - Make your work environment nice and healthy. Declutter and organise everything. Keep plants, paintings or anything that makes you happy.

8. Keep a not to do list - We can be very productive as long as we are not constantly distracted by the things that waste our time. Keep a list of things that you are going to avoid doing while you work.

9. Eat, sleep and exercise - The trio for good health, a good life and productivity. 

Why Crying Helps

Why Crying Helps

Crying is a natural response to an emotional state. Various emotions bring out the tears such as happiness, sadness, anger or surprise. Some people can cry very easily whereas others find it hard to express themselves through tears. 

Everyone should feel free to cry. Crying is healthy, it is cathartic and improves the sense of well being.

Here are some of the reasons that show why crying is helpful.

1. Reduces stress - Crying has a soothing effect. It is calming. Crying removes toxins from our bodies and helps to regulate emotions.

2. Receive support - Crying helps people understand if someone needs support. It helps develop stronger attachment with others.

3. Reduces pain - Chemicals such as oxytocin helps us to feel good. It reliefs us emotional and physical pain.

4. Improves mood - The feel good hormones enhances the mood. No wonder one feels better after crying.

5. Acknowledge suffering -  Helps us recognise our pain or difficulty, so that we can find ways to cope with the situation or seek help from someone.

Crying is good, healthy and comforting. We should allow everyone to cry to feel better. Many cultures believe that men should not cry, which is an extremely harsh and irrational demand. Crying should be normalised for everyone. 

How to Reduce Distraction and Find Rhythm

How to Reduce Distraction and Find Rhythm

So many things are going  on around us, we have to process so much information at once. It has become very difficult to concentrate on one thing only and flow with it. 

We get distracted very easily. This distraction hinders us from getting things done. If we are not able to finish a task, we feel anxious and sad. As our workload increases with time we get more and more worried.

It is important that we get things done well and on time. It will further boost our confidence and we can feel satisfied.

1. Focus on a single task at hand and do not multitask. Multitasking decreases productivity by 60% and reduces creativity. We also make more mistakes when we multitask.

2. Keep the most distracting object away. The mobile phone. Tell yourself that the task at hand is the most important thing right now.

3. If you are most productive for 30 minutes, after which you tend to get distracted, commit to the task for 30 minutes followed by a 5 minutes break. Take the break carefully. Do not start any activity that is hard to pause.

4. Reward yourself after getting a task done. Order the food you really wanted to eat once you are done. 

Brain Activities for a Better Life

Brain Activities for a Better Life

Our brain is our life support. It controls every other part of our body. When we keep our brain healthy, we are going to find that every other functioning in our body is improving.

How to have a healthy brain? The answer is we have to keep it active. When we are giving our brain various kinds of activity we are opening different avenues for it to grow, develop and nourish. 

Whenever the brain is presented with new information in the form of activities, the brain creates new connections and is revitalized. 

Various brain activities and how they affect us:

1) Puzzles - Such a sudoku, crossword other brain teasers. Puzzles improve mental speed, short-term memory and visual-spatial  reasoning.

2) Building Vocabulary - Learning new words daily helps improve visual and auditory processing. Helps us sound smart as well!

3) Dancing - Helps us develop new neural connections, improves executive functioning, long-term memory and spatial recognition. Reduces stress with the feel-good hormone serotonin.

4) Listening or playing music - Improves cognitive, motor skills, spatial-temporal learning etc. Music helps the brain to produce new neurons. Music helps us deal with stress and pain!

5) Discovering new routes - While travelling, adventure, hiking or going to work everyday. Improves cognitive flexibility, memory and creativity.

6) Learning a new language - Help us develop new areas of our mind, improve memory and strengthen the brain's natural ability to focus.

Positive Affirmations for Embracing Change

Positive Affirmations for Embracing change.

Change is natural, perfect and healthy. Since there is no constant one will naturally accustom to the change. It is gradual and healing. Keeping faith in the process and trusting oneself is key. Changes are always positive. Some positive affirmations to help through the process.

1. I know that everything in my life is changing perfectly.

2. I am thankful for the new challenges that help me grow and become stronger.

3. I purposely choose to adapt to changes in my life.

4. I will learn new things about myself.

5. Things may be different but that's not always a bad thing. 

6. I accept the things I have no control over.

7. I will experience wonderful things in new ways.

How to Stop Letting People take Advantage of You

How to stop letting people take advantage of you

If you are empathetic, kind, understanding life will bring you a lot of joy, however there are going to be times when you feel that certain things are unfair. One of the biggest problems that kind people experience is people taking advantage of them.

Your general nature does not allow you to deny a request or a demand. However, keeping up with all of the demands becomes toxic and exhausting. 

Some pointers to help you through the problem: 

1) Understand if people genuinely need help or they are just being lazy or manipulative. Some people have a nature to get things done via others to make their own lives easier. Pay attention to such selfish acts.

2) Set your limit. If the demands are repetitive and infinite. Limit the amount of money, time, resources you would want to give. If you set a limit you will not go beyond it and exhaust yourself.

3) Take some time before you say 'Yes'. This will help you understand the situation and prepare. Preparation is required if you are not used to restrict such people.

4) Say 'No' and be okay with someone being upset with you. It is natural that others will be disappointed if you restrict. The next time they will rethink before taking advantage. 

5) Talk to someone who understands. Who can help you to not feel guilty for setting boundaries. It is natural to feel guilty. However, you need to say no for your wellbeing.

How to be Assertive

How to be Assertive

Assertiveness is a social skill that relies on effective communication, in which you have healthy confidence to stand up for yourself while maintaining respect for others.

If you are assertive with your viewpoint, you can express yourself without being hostile or submissive. You will have a better chance of being understood and getting what you desire. 

Let's discuss 5 steps to become assertive.

1) Be calm and speak up. Pay close attention to your body language. Lean in a bit, maintain eye contact, keep a smile or a neutral expression. Mentally be prepared with what you want to say.

2) Understand and accept disagreement. Being assertive does not mean that you have to be aggressive or put people down. You need to state your point of view, as well as understand what others have to say. A disagreement will not make you angry.

3) Keep it short and simple. What you need to say has to be short and direct, so that people can understand easily. If you beat around the bush or be extremely elaborate, people might lose interest or get annoyed. 

4) The power of 'I' - Rather than saying 'You should' or 'Your never', say 'I feel' or 'I understand that'. 'You' statements sound aggressive and belittling, whereas 'I' will make you sound more empathetic and confident.

5) Respecting your own boundaries - Understanding when to say 'no' or 'yes'. If you feel that others are being rude to you, in that case you can decide what you will or will not do. If you respect your own boundaries, others will learn to do the same.

It takes time to learn and practice assertiveness. Start today and gradually you will succeed.

How to stop seeking Validation

How to stop seeking Validation

We seek validation from others when we are unsure or doubtful about something. It is good to take advice, however, seeking validation on a continuous basis makes us less confident. We rely on others and stop trusting our own instincts and judgement.

1. Increase Self Awareness : Recognise when you are feeling unsure, doubtful or uncertain about something. The more self aware you are the easier it will be for you to understand and keep a check when and how you are seeking validation.

2. Understand why you need approval : Before turning to others ask yourself "What do I think about this?" "Why do I need to ask this person about this". Try to take sometime to think why is it that you are seeking for validation on that particular event or situation. Whom are you seeking validation from?

3. Trust your inner voice : It might be scary at first but do what you feel is right. Tell yourself that your knowledge is enough to decide upon something. The more you trust your instinct the more confident you get.

4. Do what makes you comfortable :  "Before asking someone else let me try it my own way. What will make me comfortable? What do I feel is the right way?" Base all your decisions on your comfort. It is the easiest way to get things done.

5. Embrace your uniqueness : Everyone has their own unique style of doing things. Stop trying to fit in, learn about life your own way. You will gradually learn that your way is better as it is developed by you.

Types of Conversations that are better than Gossip

Types of Conversations that are better than Gossip

Healthy conversations are uplifting, light hearted and leaves you in bliss. Whereas gossip can excite you temporarily but it leaves behind a bitter and low feeling. Gossip creates misunderstanding and stress. Be around people you can engage with positively.

Discussed below are types of conversations that are terrific for self development. 

Individual goals - Discussing dreams and aspirations leads to better understanding of self. It is valuable to understand how others dream as well. It strengthens the bond between people.

Personal Values - How to define and live by them. Different people have different values such as honesty, trust, love and faith. Sharing values helps in personal development.

Learning from past experiences - Past experiences provide a blueprint to how we behave now, both good and bad experiences are excellent for sharing and learning from.

Stories - Fiction and non-fiction. Storytelling is a very good way to engage verbally. Sorties help connect with new people.  

Discussing bottled up feelings - Discussing feelings lead to emotional growth. It helps to deal with trauma and stress. We can find relief and happiness in such discussions.

Funny incidents - The ones that will make our bellies hurt. Easiest to start with, fastest way to bond with people. Sharing joy and laughter at its best.

Sharing knowledge - Philosophies, politics, science, art, education and everything about the universe. Wildly engaging in terms of content. Interesting and best for self development.

Creative Ideas - Leaving one motivated and excited. Mutually helpful and grossly engaging conversation. Creative ideas help in career and life growth.

Engaging in healthy conversations is beneficial for mind and body. It is healthy, keeps one occupied. It provides better bonding between individuals. 

Things to keep in mind before opening up to someone emotionally

Things to keep in mind before opening up to someone emotionally

We are social beings, we attach ourselves with other human beings to survive. We have a natural tendency to depend on others emotionally. There is a need to confide in people, discuss or plan situations, events or moments. 

However, we need to keep certain things in mind before we confide in someone or trust someone with our problems. Not only there is a  risk of confidentiality breach but if people do not receive the problem well, their reaction might affect us adversely. 

1. How well does the person deal with stressful situations? Is the person calm enough to understand the situation?

2. How non judgemental is the person's view of the world? Or do you find the person biased or critical.

3. How well can the person keep secrets? Does the person gossip about things that should not be  discussed?

4. How is the person doing right now emotionally? Is the person looking at things positively or he/she is going through their own distress?

Not everyone is at a place to help us at the moment. It is better to let the person heal before we ask them for advice. Till then we can find someone who is more emotionally capable to guide us at the moment.